What Your Body Says (and how to master the message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships
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More About This Title What Your Body Says (and how to master the message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships


Train your body to communicate with confidence and clarity-have your body match what your mouth says...

The popular phrase "leading from influence" takes for granted that influence derives chiefly from verbal communication. However, communication is about more than words. To get to the next level in your career, you must communicate with your entire self.

What Your Body Says gives you the straight-up "how-to" on unifying what you say with what you do, allowing you to better connect with other people and reach your full leadership potential. It gives you a clear and simple process to follow, all drawn from an intense study of how language impacts people's lives and emotions. Filled with useful tools, strategies, and techniques, this book gives you the key to

  • Speak intelligently while looking smart, engaging and real
  • Deliver unpleasant messages without pain or guilt
  • Having a committee meeting and getting something done
  • And more

Written by Sharon Sayler, a highly accomplished expert in marketing, presentations, and body language, What Your Body Says is the only guide you need to achieve the competitive edge in your personal and business communication style.


Sharon Sayler is the co-owner and founder of Impression Engineers, an award-winning online marketing and design company. As a Certified Group Dynamics and Behavioral Coach, Sharon trains, counsels, and coaches professionals to become stronger, more influential communicators and leaders. Sharon is an active contributor to SelfGrowth.com and has, for the past two and a half years, written the weekly blogs Best Impressions and Beyond Lip Service.

Visit Sharon online at www.SharonSayler.com and www.ImpressionEngineers.com.


Foreword byMichael Grinder ix

Foreword byMichael Port xi

About the Author xiii

Acknowledgments xv

About This Book xvii

Introduction 1

Understanding the Difference between Power, Intimidation, and Influence 6

How Influence Equals Opportunity 7

Items of Note 10

1 The Signals You Are Sending 13

Good versus Bad Nonverbals 15

2 How the Signals Work 19

Intentional Gestures Are a Powerful Tool 20

When and How the Gesture Happens 22

How Long to Hold the Gesture 25

“But Wait, There’s More . . .” Connecting Two Ideas Nonverbally 25

How to Disconnect Two Ideas Nonverbally 28

3 Gestures of Relationship 33

How to Attach Yourself to a Message 41

How to Create a Visual Placeholder 43

4 Gestures of Location 53

How to Use Locations 54

How to Create a Phantom Location 56

How to Assign Negatives to a Location 57

How to Avoid Cross-Contaminating Your Message 63

5 Gestures That Teach 65

Keep the Gesture Simple and Familiar 66

Verbal and Nonverbal Congruency 70

Do I Always Have to Be Congruent? 71

6 Gestures of Expectation and Influence 73

How to Use Your Posture to Show Your Confidence 74

Manage the Behavior—Not the Person 79

Proactive versus Reactive 80

I Expect You to Wait 83

Power Gestures 86

How to Confirm Others’ Perception of the Experience 87

7 The Eyes Have It 91

Where Do I Put My Eyes? 92

What Can I Do with My Eyes? 94

Eyes and Emotion 95

How to Manage with Eye Contact 96

Pros and Cons of Little or No Eye Contact 97

8 How the Signals Sound—The Voice 101

Voice Patterns of What We Do andWho We Are 105

How to Use the Credible Voice Pattern 106

How to Use the Connection Voice Pattern 108

Is Your Voice Sabotaging You? 110

Addicted to the Verbal Pause 112

The Need to Breathe 113

9 The Unintentional Nonverbals 119

Fidget Reboot Button 121

The Nonverbal Outburst 122

10 The Fine Print in Your Owner’s Manual 125

The Trick Is to Remain Flexible 126

Master the Behavior Game 128

11 Putting It All to Work 137

Feelings Change Facts 138

Emotions Motivate 139

How to Communicate a Clear Direction 140

Observe to Become Self-Aware 141

How Context Controls the Message 141

Final Thoughts: Master Your Message—Next Steps 146

Cheat Sheets 149

Resources and Recommended Reading 158

Quick Reference Guides 160

Index 170