Simple Habits for Marital Happiness
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More About This Title Simple Habits for Marital Happiness

English

SIMPLE HABITS FOR MARITAL HAPPINESS is an incredible book that covers every aspect of a marriage to help you create a vibrant, rewarding relationship that grows stronger every day. Backed by over thirty years of experience, Dr. Randy Schroeder - a pastor and marriage counselor - helps you develop the habits your marriage needs. These straightforward, easy-to-understand lessons will show you how to... Apologize and forgive. Stay in love after the honeymoon. Communicate effectively with your spouse. Safeguard your oneness. Maintain emotional and physical closeness. Disagree without hurting your relationship. Budget, save, and spend together.

English

Randall Schroeder, PhD, earned a Bachelor of Science from Concordia University Chicago, and received a Master’s of Education in Administration from Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan. He also earned a Master of Divinity from Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Indiana and holds a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Chicago Theological Seminary.
Dr. Schroeder is a retired professor of pastoral counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Indiana. For nearly 25 years he taught a number of classes in marriage counseling, premarital counseling, family counseling, crisis counseling, and more.
Dr. Schroeder has a successful counseling practice and is passionate about helping individuals, couples, and families enjoy satisfying personal lives and relationships. Within Christian circles, he is a well-known relationship speaker. A very popular presenter, audiences enjoy his influential style of encouraging and guiding individuals, couples, parents, and relationships to succeed.
Randy and his wife, Ginny, have been happily married for over forty years and have two married sons, along with six grandchildren.

English

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ...................................................................1
INTRODUCTION ...............................................................................3
CHAPTER 1 - THE HABIT AT THE HEART OF YOUR
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE: FORGIVENESS ....................................5
1. UNDERSTAND WHY FORGIVENESS IS THE “GLUE” .......6
2. REPENTANCE, NOT JUST REGRET.......................................8
3. UNDERSTAND WHY FORGIVENESS
IS SO DIFFICULT ........................................................................ 11
4. SPONGES AND TEFLON ....................................................... 13
5. SCRATCHES, CUTS, AND LACERATIONS ........................ 15
6. REGULARLY LOOK IN THE MIRROR ................................ 16
7. UNDERSTAND GUILT, SHAME,
AND ACCOUNTABILITY .......................................................... 18
8. WHOLE CIRCLE OF FORGIVENESS: ALL THREE
COMPONENTS ARE NECESSARY ........................................... 21
9. FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT, A PROMISE,
AND A PROCESS ........................................................................ 24
10. FIRST REPENT, SECOND INCREASE TRUST ................. 27
11. RECONCILIATION: THE ULTIMATE GOAL ................... 28
12. TWO REPENTANT, FORGIVING SPOUSES EQUAL ONE
GRATIFYING MARRIAGE ........................................................ 29
CHAPTER 2 - THE FOUR PRACTICAL WISDOM HABITS .. 31
13. SPEND TEN MINUTES TALKING, EYE TO EYE ............ 32
14. HUG FOR TEN SECONDS ................................................... 35
15. GIVE A TEN-SECOND KISS ............................................... 37
16. DATE YOUR MATE—AND HERE’S WHAT COUNTS AS
A DATE ......................................................................................... 39
CHAPTER 3 - HABITS THAT PROMOTE SPIRITUAL AND
EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS ............................................................ 45
17. PRAYER AND WORSHIP .................................................... 46
18. PLAN FOR MARITAL SATISFACTION ............................. 49
19. GIVE A DAILY APPRECIATION VITAMIN ..................... 52
20. AIM FOR A MINIMUM OF TWELVE “QUICK
CONNECTS” PER DAY ............................................................... 55
21. TRY QUIET CONNECTS ..................................................... 58
22. FOUR DAILY ESSENTIALS ................................................. 59
23. MEALTIMES ARE SIGNIFICANT OCCASIONS FOR
YOUR MARRIAGE ...................................................................... 62
24. GO OVERBOARD ON POLITENESS ................................. 64
25. LAUGH TOGETHER ............................................................ 65
26. TELL YOUR SPOUSE HOW TO COMFORT YOU ........... 67
27. SAFEGUARD SLEEP ............................................................. 69
28. NURTURE THROUGH NAMES ......................................... 71
29. GIFTS DEMONSTRATE CARE ........................................... 72
30. TAKE REGULAR MINI-VACATIONS ................................ 73
31. EVEN-ODD MARRIAGE ENHANCER .............................. 75
32. BASIC ESSENTIALS FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY .............. 76
33. GIVE TWELVE TO TWENTY-FOUR HOURS ADVANCE
NOTICE ........................................................................................ 82
34. SCHEDULE CLOSENESS AND ANSWER KEY
QUESTIONS ................................................................................. 83
CHAPTER 4 - COMMUNICATION HABITS THAT BUILD UP
A MARRIAGE .................................................................................. 87
35. THE BIG “E”: EXPECTATIONS .......................................... 88
36. MAKE REQUESTS, NOT DEMANDS ................................ 92
37. WATCH YOUR TONE, BODY LANGUAGE, AND
PRONOUNS .................................................................................. 94
38. SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE ........................................... 96
39. TWO CONSECUTIVE QUESTIONS .................................. 98
40. MARRIAGE CONNECTORS ............................................. 100
CHAPTER 5 - HABITS THAT GUARD YOUR
RELATIONSHIP ............................................................................ 101
41. LEAVE AND CLEAVE ........................................................ 102
42. RECOGNIZE YOUR FALSE BELIEFS ............................... 105
43. DEAL WITH SIGNIFICANT PERSONAL ISSUES ......... 108
44. BE COOPERATIVE, NEVER CONTROLLING ................ 111
45. MUTUAL, FACT-BASED DECISION-MAKING .............. 115
46. NO SECRETS OF ANY KIND ............................................ 117
47. BE A GIVER; AVOID SELFISHNESS ................................ 120
48. NO OPPOSITE-SEX FRIENDSHIPS ................................. 124
49. DON’T EXPECT AN A+ OR EVEN AN A MARRIAGE . 126
50. AVOID SARCASM ............................................................... 129
51. THE BEST GUARDS: IMPROVE YOURSELF AND NEVER
COMPARE .................................................................................. 131
52. AVOID CRITICISM AND NEVER GIVE UNSOLICITED
ADVICE ...................................................................................... 135
53. AVOID THE “Ms”: MIND READING AND MEMORY
MATCHING ............................................................................... 137
54. AVOID ADDICTIONS AND COMPULSIONS ................. 139
55. CLOSELY WATCH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ................. 141
56. NEVER USE THE “S” AND “D” WORDS ........................ 143
57. BALANCE HOUSEHOLD ROLES ..................................... 144
58. GUIDELINES FOR IN-LAW RELATIONSHPS ............... 146
59. NO SILENCE ........................................................................ 149
60. SELF-TIME AND HOME-TIME GUIDELINES ............... 151
61. AVOID THREE “3-LETTER” WORDS ............................. 153
62. AVOID HELPERS ................................................................ 154
63. CLOSE IT, PUT IT AWAY, CLEAN IT UP ....................... 156
CHAPTER 6 - HABITS THAT KEEP THE
BOND OF PEACE .......................................................................... 159
64. TWO DISCUSSION PRINCIPLES ARE ESSENTIAL:
ESTABLISH GUIDELINES AND BE A WORLD-CLASS
LISTENER .................................................................................. 160
65. STAY INSIDE THE “NINES” ............................................. 162
66. ALWAYS SIT ........................................................................ 164
67. SOFT START-UP ................................................................. 166
68. SCHEDULE DISCUSSIONS ............................................... 167
69. START LOW, SPEAK SLOW, AND USE
VOLUME TWO .......................................................................... 169
70. PLEASANT MOOD ............................................................. 172
71. USE THE RIFLE APPROACH, NOT THE SHOTGUN ... 174
72. HAVE A DIALOGUE, NOT A MONOLOGUE ................. 175
73. SHARE YOUR OPINION ................................................... 177
74. UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSE WITH KEY
QUESTIONS ............................................................................... 179
75. NEVER INTERRUPT YOUR SPOUSE .............................. 180
76. BE SOLUTION-FOCUSED ................................................. 182
77. TAKE A TIME-OUT ............................................................ 183
78. EVALUATE THE FREQUENCY OF YOUR
CONCERNS ................................................................................ 185
CHAPTER 7 - HABITS THAT SECURE GOD-PLEASING
FINANCIAL HARMONY ............................................................. 187
79. THREE FINANCIAL ABSOLUTES ................................... 188
80. USE THE THREE “Ds” FOR MAKING PURCHASES .... 190
81. HAVE AN APPROVAL LIMIT ........................................... 191
82. RECORD EVERY EXPENDITURE ................................... 193
83. “TAKE 3” FOR MAJOR PURCHASES .............................. 193
84. JOINT CHECKING ............................................................. 194
85. BUDGET WITH A PERCENT SPENDING PLAN .......... 195
86. KEEP A RESERVE FUND FOR SIX MONTHS OF
EXPENSES .................................................................................. 197
87. SAVE 10 PERCENT OF YOUR NET INCOME ................ 198
88. CASH OR CONVENIENCE CREDIT CARDS ................. 198
89. HAVE YOUR OWN DISCRETIONARY MONEY ............ 199
90. GOD AND CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS ............... 200
CONCLUSION ............................................................................... 203
ABOUT THE AUTHOR................................................................ 207

English

“After more than 50 years of marriage, one would think that my dear wife and I have each other figured out well enough to be able to avoid disagreements and to keep stressful moments from becoming harmful conversations or hurtful actions. Think again. We still have our share of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Dr. Schroeder’s practical recommendations in Simple Habits for Marital Happiness will help married couples achieve greater understanding, emotional attachment, mutual happiness, and spiritual unity. It would be a great gift idea for married friends, children, and grandchildren.” (Rev. Dr. Gerald Kieschnick, President Emeritus of The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod and Chief Executive Officer of Legacy Deo)

“Dr. Schroeder has offered to married couples (or those contemplating marriage) an excellent and timely tool. At a time when marriages are crumbling at an all-time rate, his Simple Habits for Marital Happiness is not only a ‘how to’ but also a ‘who to’ resource. Drawing from his experience as a long time Individual, Family, and Marriage counselor he presents practical and attainable habits for the couple, but also stresses that those efforts must reflect a partnership between a man and a woman who understand ‘who to’ rely upon for their inspiration to succeed. The habits are not only a recovery strategy, but a foundation for a healthier marriage for us all. Thank you, Dr. Schroeder, for helping us make healthier marriages a habit for our lives together.” (Rev. Keith Kohlmeier, Former President of the Kansas LCMS District)

“Dr. Schroeder has given a wealth of practical wisdom and insight into developing and maintaining a healthy marital relationship. His beginning with forgiveness and the power it gives for reconciliation is excellent and sets this book apart from many other practical marital guides. His 4 wisdom habits are simple, yet profound: eye contact, hugs, kisses, and time together. I see the necessary ingredient in communication with his constant emphasis on affirmation and respect. This book will be an excellent guide for spiritual closeness that can benefit a couple for their lifetime.” (Rev. Dr. David Ludwig author of Renewing the Family Spirit, The Spirit of Your Marriage, The Power of WE, and Christian Concepts for Care)

“As a parish pastor, I was always looking for resources to share with married couples. Dr. Schroeder has put together an outstanding resource for helping couples improve their communication and strengthen their marriages. I believe Simple Habits for Marital Happiness will be an excellent tool for pastors in their marital and premarital counseling. It is a tool they will be able to use almost immediately in helping couples build healthier and stronger marriages.” (Rev. Dr. Steven Turner, President of the Iowa West LCMS District)

“What a gem of a book for anyone who wants their marriage to grow stronger, healthier and more loving – which is just about everyone I know! Chock full of practical, easy-to-read tips that deal with real-life marital issues―from ‘date your mate’ to handling your finances―Dr. Schroeder’s book is a must-have daily reader that will keep you coming back for more!” (Michele Chynoweth, author of contemporary, bible-based novels The Faithful One, The Peace Maker, The Runaway Prophet and The Jealous Son)

“Simple Habits for Marital Happiness is a great guidebook for anyone genuinely wanting to understand the heart of their spouse. Dr. Schroeder has done a wonderful job giving practical insight on how to make immediate and lasting improvements in any marriage. You’ll keep going back to this book over and over.” (Stephen Arterburn, New York Times Best Selling author of books such as Every Man’s Battle, editor of the Life Recovery Bible, Founder of New Life Ministries and host of New Life Live, creator of Women of Faith conferences.)

“Drawing upon nearly three decades as an effective Christian therapist and marriage counselor, Dr. Schroeder brings together a valuable collection of lessons aimed at bolstering marital relationships. The tenuousness of the marriage bond is reflected in the sad statistic of so many marital failures―a result that no couple beginning lives together anticipates or desires. Habits and behaviors that contribute to a successful marriage are not simply intuitive. This volume, comprised of 90 short, very practical topics, offers help, guidance, and encouragement based on a solid Biblical foundation, committed Christian faith, and keen insight from therapy research and practice. Simple Habits for Marital Happiness is a fine resource and wonderful blessing for any couple eager to enjoy a happy marriage.” (Rev. Dr. Patrick Ferry, President, Concordia University Wisconsin)
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